A couple of weeks ago, the Wednesday salon topic was “Is submission a gift?” Divine Miss Rosa asked me to collect my thoughts, and those of others, and compose a blog post. This is a perplexing task, as W/we learned together – D/s is so broad, with a kaleidoscope of subjects worthy of exploration.
When W/we ask if “submission” is a gift”, W/we may not even be looking at the word “submission” in the same way. It seems more accurate to ask what aspects of submission could be considered a gift – a giving action, where the giving is all.
W/we are not talking about newbies, certainly not “do-me” subs, who are looking for kink dispensers; and we can set aside, for now, professional Dommes, who provide a service and may or may not have an emotionally grounded dynamic with their clients. Let’s concentrate on a true, mutual D/s relationship.
Giving is an active choice. To submit is not active; it is a state of being. Submission, at its heart, is a recognition of who (and what) one is. It is a realization of one’s place and the awareness of a gnawing need. To submit is to self-actualize, to find oneself opening to reorienting to the world of the Divine. It is an important transformation, but is not, in itself, a gift.
A submissive has three modes:
• Being/Existing – just living with the understanding of their need to serve, and the innate superiority of the Divine;
• Reacting/Responding – following orders, obeying commands, carrying out tasks, enduring punishment; and
• Giving/Offering – putting out effort and energy to serve beyond the basics
Submissives often do hope for something in return, and not always selfishly. Subs seek recognition for their efforts. A pat on the head, a smile of delight, an encouraging word. Desiring to know that their Divine is pleased (which is their goal) is self-ish to some small degree. But when we speak of a “dynamic” – a call and response, ebb and flow – the approval of the Divine is an essential part.
In the course of submission, there are many ways an s-type can give, when they go beyond explicit commands. To do a task like cleaning the bathroom may be a requirement; but a sub can do more than just be thorough – to look in the corners for hidden dirt where the Divine might not even notice, or to creatively exceed expectations (perhaps adding decorative touches or organizing items in a thoughtful way) – this magnified effort is a gift.
And above the effort itself, to carry in the heart a desire, not just to “clean the bathroom” but to experience an inner bliss in the act. To not mark time, but to feel time suspend while in a private nirvana. Not just a self-competitive need to succeed, but a sense of fulfillment in one’s service. To bring to the task a an inner glow of happiness – that joy is a gift.
An s-type may strive to serve the Divine in their future. Recognizing that the Divine may ask for a cup of tea at a particular time of day or a cocktail in the evening; or may want scents in a bath – and having those ingredients on hand and at the ready, so as to anticipate a request. That readiness comes from keeping the Divine constantly in mind, to focus on Her needs even when not stated – that is devotion, and is a gift.
Most importantly, a slave will come to obey and serve not out of nervousness or instinctive response, but out of the knowledge that the Divine cares for them and their service; and will fulfill their role knowing they are in compassionately cruel and lovingly despotic hands. That trust is a gift.
So, the answer i took away from that evening’s discussion is that while submission as a whole cannot be “a gift,” certain aspects of it — extra effort, joy in service, honest devotion and absolute trust – arguably are. And i suspect these are the gifts most prized by the Divine.
So much more to say, and so many related topics. There is a negative side to this discussion, as there are always times in D/s where the s-type is calculating tasks and service as a form of currency, and looking for remuneration in the form of sexual gifts, playtime, attention and more. Perhaps in the future we might discuss “When is submission a grift?”
Humbly submitted by vlen
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