When it comes to D/s and kink, where is your comfort zone? Are there certain practices that come easily, and others that seem way beyond the boundaries of comprehension?
As a Dominant Woman, one of My passions is safely pushing limits with those I engage with. I want to help them experience new things, and broaden their horizons. Yet, is that what they truly want?
When I worked in the field of I.T., many moons ago, there was a saying… “it’s exactly what I asked for, but not what I want.” The end user would make a request, sometimes very specific, but when they received the end product or solution, it didn’t meet their expectations.
It seems, to Me, this happens a lot in BDSM, SL, and the world-at-large. W/we have a right to change O/our minds, no? This is why W/we carefully negotiate, collaborate, and take time determining compatibility.
But when is ‘what I ask for’, too much? Or too little?
The most important part of any relationship or dynamic is COMMUNICATION. W/we hear this time and time again. And for whatever reasons, there are moments where communication is lacking or unclear. I imagine, for the slave, it can be trickier than for the Dominant. (Is this true? Let Me know…) Because the slave wants to be what the Dominant needs/desires, and is hesitant to displease. But, again, is this your comfort zone? Is communication outside of your comfort zone at times? If so, why?
How far are you willing to go outside of your comfort zone for your practice of D/s? Really consider that.
I assure Y/you, it’s okay to be reluctant. It’s okay to re-evaluate. W/we evolve and change and rearrange. W/we adapt.
Here is a personal example:
I was told by a slave who no longer is in the community to, “please don’t hold back, or treat me gently, Divine Queen Bitch Tanarra.” That is what was communicated. Exactly what he asked for was delivered. And humpty dumpty fell off the wall. He cracked. He disappeared. He never communicated after that.
I clearly took him beyond his comfort zone.
Am I upset at him for it? No, not at all.
Do I know what truly happened after that final interaction? No, I don’t.
Do I care? Yes, I do.
Can I do anything more about it without his communication? I cannot.
Without transparency, openness, and energy flow between participants — you have vacant space. Nothingness.
I seek substance. What do you seek?
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